¿How to OVERCOME the Fear of Judgement? | 5 Strategies
What are you not doing in your life because of the fear that they will say?
- Not giving your opinion when it counts most?
- Not daring to change jobs?
- Don’t sign up for that Italian dance/photography/cooking class?
According to the book «The 5 Regrets of the Dying» by Bronnie Ware, the most common regret of people who are about to die is:
«I wish I had the courage to live the life I wanted to live instead of what other people expected of me»
Isn’t it heartbreaking?
Most of these people did or did not make decisions in their lives based more on fitting in with what other people expected of them than on what they really wanted. And they paid a very high price for it.
And it is that human beings are extremely conditioned to seek to fit into the group or the tribe despite what it costs us.
Thousands of years ago not fitting in could mean being abandoned by the tribe and with it death. Your mind is optimized to sacrifice whatever it takes to be accepted.
Today the situation has changed. The risk is no longer to be abandoned by the tribe but to reach the end of your life regretting the life you have not dared to live.
And one of the main obstacles to living this life is precisely this:
- The fear of «What will they say».
What the neighbors will say, what your co-workers will say, what your friends from school will say, what your parents or your distant cousins from town will say.
The harsh reality is that the statistics are not in your favor. Most people live their lives in that comfort zone thinking about all those things that they will one day do until they become things that they wish they had done. The default brain mode is this. Now if you want something more, if you want to be really happy instead of surviving, you are going to have to do different things than most people do. In this article, you will find 5 strategies that will help you overcome the fear of what they will say once and for all. And start taking action based on what you want and not on what you think others think or want.
1. Use regret to your advantage.
If you were 90 years old and you were reflecting on your life,
- What would you regret?
- What would you like to have done differently?
- What would you change if you had the option to relive your life?
These questions help you gain perspective on your life and are constantly asked by some of the most successful people I’ve ever met.
The last day of your life:
Will you regret more having dared to do what you wanted to do despite criticism from your coworkers, family, or supposed friends or never having tried?
2. Remember, nobody cares too much what you do or don’t do.
People are thinking of their own things:
Tomato sauce or Bolognese sauce? What will happen to the end of Game of Thrones? Do we really have to spend the whole weekend with the mother-in-law?
In fact, when I first started speaking in public, realizing this was a huge relief, other people were too busy thinking about remembering their speeches (or the shopping list) to spend too much energy judging me.
The bottom line here is:
Most people don’t spend their days thinking about you and what you do or don’t do, and anyone who spends their precious time and energy on this deserves nothing but your compassion.
With which, you will stop doing things because of the possibility that someone who may not even care about you thinks, and this, what does he do?
3. Identify the destructive criticism and realize that it has nothing to do with you.
In fact, it has much more to do with the limitations and rejections of the critic than with the critic.
Hey! Good constructive criticism can make you uncomfortable, but it won’t sound like a poison dart that someone indirectly drops you. Even so, and in order not to become someone absolutely blind to ideas different from yours, ask yourself:
Are they partially right? How can I apply this information to improve my life and the lives of others?
Done that, when someone criticizes you for something you are doing that is good for you and does not violate the rights of others. PASS.
When someone criticizes you for leading a healthier life, for not wanting to drink alcohol, for spending time on what you are passionate about instead of spending your time at the bar, for making more money, or for progressing in any way, this criticism doesn’t come from a good place.
They may feel threatened by your progress, they need to feel superior to you, or they just feel envy that they don’t know how to manage.
In any of these cases, do not allow this type of criticism to define one ounce of what you do or stop doing or how you feel about it.
If someone reacts like this to your progress, ask yourself to what extent you are interested in keeping this person in your life.
Few things stop your growth in life more than surrounding yourself with toxic people or who feel bad about your progress.
If to fit in a group you have to be less than you want to be, this is not a group worth fitting into. Get out of there, live your life, and find or create your tribe.
4. Make it your training.
The more you do what you want to do despite what others say, the more you will realize that nothing is happening and the easier it will be to continue doing it.
Every time you detect a situation in which you can progress and you feel that fear that they will say: Decide to use it as a practice.
Because taking action today on that will make the next action easier until you literally don’t care.
5. Define What do you want to achieve?
If you don’t have a plan, you will become part of someone else’s plan.
The problem with that is that generally this plan will not be done in your best interest.
Being clear about the life you want will help you identify when you are straying from the path and what you should do to continue on it. And with this, you will have clarity about what you really risk when you prioritize the opinion of others over your own life. You risk living the life you want to live.
Someday the opinion of others will not matter.
With this article, I want to offer you my two cents so that this day is not the last day of your life.
I don’t know if it gets to a point where you are completely immune but you probably don’t need that.
You just have to decide if it is more important to live your life or the opinion of your neighbor in the room, your former classmates, or your coworkers.
Whatever it is, it’s your choice.
But if you ever regret something, other than not having tried.